Loss and Regret
This week has been a very interesting one for me. Multiple things happened which seem very non-coincidental. It’s always that way for me. I don’t believe in coincidence. I believe things happen for a reason. Some people call it “acts of God”, and those who do not believe in God call these events “the laws of the Universe.” Either way, as a sentient being, I see patterns in events. And I understand that things are not as random as they might seem.
Recently, we had a patient with a chronic disease come in for a check up. Normally, my specialty consists of seeing patients who are younger than 18 years of age. But this patient was over 20.
As often happens with chronic disease that begins in childhood, adult physicians are uncomfortable dealing with these illnesses, because often times, these patients never lived to adulthood.
But this one had. And many more like this one, due to medical technology.
It was interesting to me, because it was a patient with this disease whom I met in my junior year of college who inspired me to enter medicine in the first place. Same age. Same disease. And same fiery spirit. Very independent. Daring the disease to keep *em down.
*e had a job. Was a musician. Lived on *eir own. Managed *eir own finances. And knew *eir medical history backwards and forwards, in *eir sleep. Could point to all *eir scars from numerous surgeries, in chronological order, almost reflexively, as if *e’d been asked thousands of times.
*e looked very battle-weary. And I understood. We all have our own trials and tribulations.
Sometimes I hear very cynical comments from attendings about the future of some of these patients with chronic disease. Sometimes I do agree. But in many cases, nay most cases, I see something else in these people who have a disease, that inspires me. It’s something that genes can’t give you. You’re either born with it, or you’re not.
By another “coincidence,” I found a poem by another person with a chronic disease.
Lost
by LuAnn Howe
I’ve lost things in a moment, And yet, I still must say That, looking back upon it, I haven’t lost a thing!
I’ve loved a person dearly, But it was not to be. And so I lost my someone, But I am glad and free.
Oh, I regret but nothing, Not one thing I have done, For despite all life’s trials, I haven’t lost, but won!
I’ve won because I’ve learned from Ev’ry experience. I’m not a football player, But I play good defense!
I see the glass as half full; I rarely empty it. In my life there’s a motto: Try! Ask! Then deal with it!
I’ve lost things in a moment, And yet, I still must say That, looking back upon it, I haven’t lost a thing!
No, I regret but nothing, Not one thing I have done, For despite all life’s trials, I haven’t lost, but won!
|
Ms. Howe was born prematurely, and from reading a small part of her autobiography, it sounds like she had retinopathy of prematurity which caused her to go blind. She is currently in college, and I wish her all the best.
http://www.crystalwrites.com/AutobiographicalSketches.html
And another boat show I cannot attend. . . .
January 2006, Houston Boat Show