April 29, 2004
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Bundy Quotes
Peggy Bundy:Al, just call a roofer!
Al Bundy: There. Right there, Peg, is the problem with America. We’ve lost our spirit of self-reliance! Something’s broken, call someone. Something’s leaking, call someone. One of the kids suffers a ruptured appendix, call someone! Whatever happened to rugged American manhood?
Bud Bundy: Well we don’t know yet, Dad. Kelly’s tests haven’t come back from the lab yet.
Kelly Bundy: Chew Dad’s socks!
Bud Bundy: Eat Mom’s food!Al Bundy: You think I’m a loser? Because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn’t respect me, and a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every day when I wake up in the morning, I know it’s not going to get any better until I go back to sleep. So I get up. I have my watered-down Tang and my still-frozen Pop Tart. I get in my car with no gas, no upholstery, and six more payments. I fight honking traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes onto the cloven hooves of people like you. I’ll never play football like I wanted to. I’ll never know the touch of a beautiful woman. And I’ll never know the joy of driving through the city without a bag over my head. But I’m not a loser. Because, despite it all, me and every other guy who’ll never be what they wanted to be, is out there, being what we don’t want to be, forty hours a week, for life. And the fact that I didn’t put a gun in my mouth years ago — that little fact makes me a winner, baby!
Marcy Rhoades D’Arcy: Oh, it’s too bad some men don’t know how to give up their sports gracefully instead of lingering on like big babies.
Al Bundy: Yeah, doggone it. If we could only be comfortable with our age like you darn gals. You know, I mean, in the morning you go into the bathroom, a little blush, a little mascara and voila! You got an old woman scared of rain. Then you try and clean and jerk your breasts into a bra, ease some exercise pants over that front and back belly, go down to the market and flirt with the bag boy. I guess what I’m trying to say is it’s just pretty pathetic when we guys try to cling to our youth.Peggy Bundy: What would you like?
Al Bundy: A nice juicy steak, medium rare, with little brown potatoes on the right side of the plate, ketchup on the left, where some people waste space with vegetables. And for dessert, a roast beef.Bud Bundy: Well, when I get my degree, from an accredited community college, I might add, I’ll be the one with the Lucky Charms, my friends. And I’ll be eating them out of the bra cups of my own private breakfast treat, Monique. Here’s to the future.
Al Bundy: We’re gonna go where people pretend to want to go when they can’t afford to go someplace good. We’re gonna see America. We take no map. We’ll follow the sun. Stay in cheap motels and steal what we need along the way. We go west, past the cheese factories, where the air is fresh, the sky is big, and a man can still kill his dinner with his car. Guys, tomorrow we put the pedal to the metal and we ride with the wind.
