November 15, 2009
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Before I Was a Doctor and a Mom
There is an Internet poem going around called “Before I Was a Mom”, and some people have sent it to me, thinking it is appropo for my situation. Instead, as most things people send me usually are, it simply annoys me — a poem written by someone who didn’t seem to have any responsibility before she became a mother. Amazing that the author could get through so much of her life without having any responsibility UNTIL she became a “Mom.” Instead of invoking sympathico from me, it merely prompted my own version of this poem.
Before I Was a Doctor and a Mom Devich
Before I was a doctor and a mom
I rarely ate hot meals, unless it was at the hospital cafeteria.
I rarely wore every day clothing — it was a joy to be able to wear a T-shirt.
I rarely had time to chat on the phone, unless it was for a consultation for a patient.Before I was a doctor and a mom,
I always got to bed late
And still had to wake up early.
I quickly pulled my hair into a ponitail everyday.Before I was doctor and a mom
I rarely cleaned the house, choosing instead to catch up on sleep.
I rarely had time to go to the gym, and forgot many songs I used to know by heart on the piano.Before I was a doctor and a mom
I didn’t have any live plants at home, because I wasn’t home to water them.
I memorized the ever-changing CDC immunization schedule.Before I was a doctor and a mom
I had already been puked on
Pooped on
Spit on
Chewed on
Peed on
And pinched by tiny fingers.Before I was a doctor and a mom
My patients and hospital staff occupied:
My thoughts
My body
And my mind.
And for this reason, I stayed up all night q3.Before I was a doctor and a mom
I had to help hold down children who were in urosepsis
So that the nurses could do an in-and-out cath
Or give Rocephin shots.
I looked into teary eyes of a patient with terminal acute lymphoblastic leukemia and cried.
I got gloriously happy over a simple grin from a child who was in remission.
I have sat up late hours at night watching a premature baby sleep, worried that her bicarb was rising, despite high frequency ventilation.Before I was a doctor and a mom
I have stayed at a child’s bedside.
I have felt my heart break into a million pieces
When I knew the only thing I could give her was morphine.
I pity people who never know how something so small
Can affect one’s life so much.
People who never know how to love someone so much.
Who never think about being a doctor and a mom.Before I was a doctor and a mom
I already knew the constant feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I already knew how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I already knew that bond between a Mother and her child.
I already knew that something so small
Could make me realize that I will not live forever, and that a child is a legacy — a tribute to the love of humans for others.Before I was a doctor and a mom
I already knew what it was like to get up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure a child’s oxygenation was okay, or that her blood glucose was stabilized.
I had already known the warmth
The joy
The love
The heartache
The wonder
Or the satisfaction of caring for a child.I already knew I was capable of feeling so much before I was a Mom.
Comments (1)
I imagine you do have a pretty big jump ahead of the other Mom’s that don’t know that life as a doctor. I’ve always said there was a special place in Heaven for Doctors for everything they’ve had to see!!! How are you doing these days? How far along are you now?