December 11, 2004
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Child Abuse
A few of my friends have admitted to me that they were raped by family members when they were children. One friend was raped by a cousin. Another was raped by her uncle. Another was raped by her stepfather. The first two never told their parents, because they felt that no one would believe them. My other friend did tell her mother about her stepfather's actions, and also that he was raping her older sister as well. However, her mother was so blinded by love for her stepfather that she rejected the notion that he was raping her children.
All three of those friends of mine are having a lot of difficulty in life.
All three started college with academic scholarships (one even finished high school early at age 14) and couldn't finish.
All three are highly promiscuous and cannot keep a relationship longer than one week, even though, according to what they tell me, they would like to have a stable relationship.
All three suffer from a psychiatric disorder. One has been diagnosed with major depressive disorder. One has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder. One has been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
I work with people who collect evidence from child abuse cases. These people ensure that the evidence that remains is not made unusable by the court. They are a very caring bunch of people, but the truth is, the damage is already done. Their only hope is to stop the abuse so that these children can try to live a normal life.
Some people complain about Child Protective Services taking away children who should be with their families. Indeed, evidence shows that the victims of child abuse do better psychologically if they're allowed to remain in their homes with family members, as long as the abuse stops. Children whose parents are taken away, even if the parent was the rapist, often suffer from more severe psychological disturbances than those who remain with their families.
It's a difficult situation for health care workers and law enforcement officers, who witness things that others never see.
Below is a poem written by a woman who works with the Child Abuse Services Team in California. She, too, had a troubled past, and because of her experiences, she is trying to help others like herself.
Speak up for a Child
Speak up for a child
Not in strident rants & raves that echo sounds of torment,
But in simple quiet ways
that lift the spirit, heal the pain. . .
Dry a tear, calm a parent, give away a smile.
Stop and listen to what they say,
really listen for a while.Speak up for a child,
With the firmness of a pen to paper
reporting to the court.
By the safety and protection of your badge,
Or your healing touch in a medical exam.Keep the promise of your advocacy,
bringing hope today, one day,
one child at a time.
Please. . . please,
speak up for a child,
For they have no voice of their own.-- Marianne Gillispie
When I was in Fresno, I volunteered at Valley Children's Hospital, but since they had so many volunteers already, they shipped me over to the Rotary House for part of the week.
I took care of some children there who had been adopted because they had been born to teenage mothers who couldn't deal with the problems their babies were born with, as a result of drug abuse or child neglect. (Hydrocephalus, congenital CMV, near-drowning with resultant cerebral palsy, etc. etc.)
Looking back, I think one of the kids had Prader Willi Syndrome, and I worked with that child daily to get her to sit up on her own (she was over 12 months old). The nurses couldn't spend much time with her, and her mother could not afford physical therapy. By the time my summer stint was over, she could pull herself to a sitting position.
I recommend to anyone looking for something to do over the summer to start now looking for volunteer work to help children. Government programs abound, but the real help comes from people who give a little of their extra time to show they care.
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